U.S. Sen. Lindsey Graham has finally gone vociferously Vatican, but not in the piety, policy, or moral conviction kind of way. No, this time, he’s endorsed Donald Trump for pope. Yes, pope. Vicar of Christ. Bishop of Rome. Holy Father. Supreme Pontiff. The seat of Saint Peter, where Pope John XXIII, Pope John Paul II, and Pope Francis have stood like giants.
And Graham, with that “nails on the chalkboard” Southern drawl and a necktie so tight that he looks like he’s choking on his multiple chins, has offered a contrast to John, John Paul, and Francis, and that is the tiny creature of a man that is Trump. Graham is the real “joke” He’s the Monsignor of MAGA to the College of Cardinals, hoping to rule the coming Papal Conclave.
The absurdity began, as it always does, with Trump himself, who over the weekend told reporters that he essentially "ran the country and the world" and that the job of “ruler of the world” is "currently vacant."
As if the devil-like Trump is some Godlike figure. Oh, wait, he is, to the lickspittle Lindsey, who should know better than to push Trump for global ruler. The Atlantic, in a chilling new profile of Trump’s second-term ambitions, notes that he’s long fantasized about absolute rule. So when Trump half-joked (read: He fully meant it) that the job he really wants is pope, it landed exactly as intended: with a wink, a smirk, and an authoritarian thirst for spiritual conquest.
Then, like Pavlov’s most loyal puppy, comes Lickin’ Lindsey, like a dog, slurping up Trump’s “wide-load” derriere. “He’d get elected,” Graham chirped in response to the pope fantasy. “Nobody would run against him.” Somewhere between sycophancy and sacrilege, Graham has traded his spine for a Trump-branded $59.99 irreligious Bible.
Let’s pause here to remember this: Lindsey Graham is not Catholic. Nor is Trump. And by the way, as a Catholic, I don’t want them anywhere near my church!
Graham is a phony Southern Baptist who has spent most of his political career attacking marginalized people, including LGBTQ+ Americans, with an air of judgment so high and mighty you’d think he was auditioning to be pope himself.
Yet now he’s bestowing papal endorsements like a MAGA archbishop.
And even worse, Trump has a long record of treating sacred spaces and moments like props for his ego. At Pope Francis’s funeral last weekend, he showed up in a royal blue suit, an act of jarring disrespect, and appeared to nod off during the ceremony. That in itself could have been brushed off as a diplomatic faux pas. But this new round of pope talk isn’t about religion or reverence. It’s about power. Trump craves it. Graham enables it.
In their twisted game, jokes are rarely just jokes. Trump has built a political career on trial balloons, floating wild, authoritarian ideas under the guise of humor. He’s "joked" about abolishing term limits, jailing political enemies, ignoring the courts, and shooting people on Fifth Avenue. He "jokes" the way dictators do: with plausible deniability and a gleam in the eye that says, “I mean it.”
And now, after screwing allies over tariffs, playing yo-yo with Ukraine’s survival, and watching the most recent U.S. GDP numbers sink like a lead balloon, Trump is looking for a distraction. What better way than stirring up Vatican headlines?
He’s dragged the Catholic Church into enough chaos. Between the abuse scandals and internal division, the last thing Catholicism needs is a political arsonist measuring the curtains at the Apostolic Palace. By the way, Trump would return the opulence to the papacy, something that Francis’s humility tried to bury.
But Graham doesn’t care about jokes, the unreality of Trump being pope, or religion at all. His allegiance is not to faith or country. It’s to Trump and anything he can do to use his pursed lips to inflate Trump’s ego.
Once a critic, famously calling Trump “a kook” and “not fit to be president,” Graham has contorted himself into the most loyal apostle of Mar-a-Lago and one of Trump’s golf buddies — talk about a hole in one! It just makes you wonder, what does Trump have on him? Why else would a U.S. senator humiliate himself like this so over-the-top and so completely?
Let’s not forget that Graham isn’t just embarrassing himself with threats to what’s left to the sanctity of the Catholic faith. He’s an active opponent of LGBTQ+ rights, fighting marriage equality and attacking trans youth under the false guise of religious morality.
This is the man opining on who should be the next pope? The same man GLAAD lists among the most harmful politicians for queer Americans? You have to wonder why the unmarried Lindsey hates queers so much and loves Trump so unconditionally.
There’s something deeply offensive about Graham throwing out pope endorsements like venom toward a queer person. For more than a billion Catholics around the world, the papacy is sacred. It is not a branding exercise. It is not a vanity title for a reality star turned crooked president.
It’s also revealing that this particular fantasy, that is, Trump as pope, comes at a time of domestic and global chaos largely of Trump’s making. His trade war policies and tariff games have rattled global markets. His isolationism has undermined NATO. His back-and-forth on support for Ukraine — something that Pope Francis was so passionate about — has emboldened Putin.
And now, as the American economy sputters, Trump wants to distract us with vestments, crucifixes, and putrid-smelling incense. It’s not just unserious. It’s dangerous and wildly offensive to Catholics who revere their faith.
So let’s be clear — Donald Trump is not a pope, not a savior, not a king, and most certainly not ruler of the world. And Lindsey Graham is not a courtier. He’s a U.S. senator who should know better than to fawn over a man whose every “joke” edges closer to autocracy and the real meaning behind the “joke.”
Graham’s moral collapse is no longer a slow drip, it's a tidal wave of unholy water gushing at the devil incarnate that is Trump..
We used to expect our elected leaders to stand up to delusions of grandeur. Remember President Joe Biden? Now, he was a really good Catholic, and I don’t think anyone would argue with the fact that he’d make a good pope, but I digress.
Here comes Graham, practically handing Trump the papal ring and bowing to kiss it — among other things. In doing so, he shames his office, disgraces his past, and mocks the faith of millions.
If there were any decency left among Republicans in the Senate, which has turned into a cauldron of indecency, Graham would be laughed out of the chamber for this latest genuflection to Trump. Instead, he’s perched piously in the Senate, rosary-free but loyalty-bound, ready to declare his patron saint of egotism the next Holy Father.
Heaven help us.
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